I saw the funny side of SA crime this week. Now the rampant crime in SA is not very funny at all as Sir Anthony Sher's moving documentary so poignantly pointed out BUT those of us living here, wallowing in its stink so to speak have to find ways of coping with its proximity and this week we invented a new game to take the edge off. Let me explain...
My friend Mark got robbed. He is actually, despite being the victim of a crime, quite amused himself in a throw-up-the-hands kind of way. Firstly, burglars broke into his fenced complex and scaled the side of his 4-story building late one evening while he and his fiance were asleep in the house. The daring buggers swiped his laptop, their clothing and his mountain bike and had the audacity to lower all the loot to the ground using his windup extension cord! He phoned me pretty peeved the next morning (Sunday) but happy not to have run into them in the passage.
Monday, he arrived at work to discover that his offices had been broken into and that amongst other random things, his backup flash-disk for his laptop had been swiped - one year of data lost! Two days in a row. People clucked in sympathy but some of us started wondering, was it possible? A black little hat-trick was on the cards but we didn't dare contemplate it.
Tuesday brought amazing news! Although not directly, he had been a victim again! HAT-TRICK!!!!!!!!!!!! Thieves broke in and stole copper cables from a substation near his office and his whole factory stood still for a day while the council tried to fix the problem. The third one was under contention for a while but the panel gave it to him in the end...well done Markus, my first friend to get a hat-trick! Compulsory round at the Jolly Roger!
So Mark got the first 'hat-trick', Birnie has the award for 'best tackle' on a running cellphone thief, John is current holder of the 'biggest hit' for a beautiful open-hand slap on a rapist we caught in the park one morning on our weekly bike ride and I narrowly avoided the booby prize when some guy unsuccessfully tried to rob me with his finger (I could see it wasn't loaded). Starting to feel left out just a touch, I managed to snap up the award for 'harshest initiation by a team' when no less than exactly 15 guys, a full rugby side, with automatic weapons held up a happening bar and restaurant in Northern Joburg and chose me, out of the 400 people lying on the floor, to be the 'bag man'. It involved getting a gun in the face and going around asking my friends for their wallets and phones. Yes!!! On the scoreboard at last...
Sad, sick little game isn't it?
My friend Mark got robbed. He is actually, despite being the victim of a crime, quite amused himself in a throw-up-the-hands kind of way. Firstly, burglars broke into his fenced complex and scaled the side of his 4-story building late one evening while he and his fiance were asleep in the house. The daring buggers swiped his laptop, their clothing and his mountain bike and had the audacity to lower all the loot to the ground using his windup extension cord! He phoned me pretty peeved the next morning (Sunday) but happy not to have run into them in the passage.
Monday, he arrived at work to discover that his offices had been broken into and that amongst other random things, his backup flash-disk for his laptop had been swiped - one year of data lost! Two days in a row. People clucked in sympathy but some of us started wondering, was it possible? A black little hat-trick was on the cards but we didn't dare contemplate it.
Tuesday brought amazing news! Although not directly, he had been a victim again! HAT-TRICK!!!!!!!!!!!! Thieves broke in and stole copper cables from a substation near his office and his whole factory stood still for a day while the council tried to fix the problem. The third one was under contention for a while but the panel gave it to him in the end...well done Markus, my first friend to get a hat-trick! Compulsory round at the Jolly Roger!
So Mark got the first 'hat-trick', Birnie has the award for 'best tackle' on a running cellphone thief, John is current holder of the 'biggest hit' for a beautiful open-hand slap on a rapist we caught in the park one morning on our weekly bike ride and I narrowly avoided the booby prize when some guy unsuccessfully tried to rob me with his finger (I could see it wasn't loaded). Starting to feel left out just a touch, I managed to snap up the award for 'harshest initiation by a team' when no less than exactly 15 guys, a full rugby side, with automatic weapons held up a happening bar and restaurant in Northern Joburg and chose me, out of the 400 people lying on the floor, to be the 'bag man'. It involved getting a gun in the face and going around asking my friends for their wallets and phones. Yes!!! On the scoreboard at last...
Sad, sick little game isn't it?
1 comment:
My oath!
(that's it. that's all the comment I can muster on that one)
Oath, is mine....
pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
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